Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
