Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
