She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
