I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
