the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
