...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
