"it" just moved
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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