Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
