I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dear god my vagina.
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