hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
