...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Panties = found
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
