There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
