I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
there is glitter all over my balls
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
