dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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