Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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