my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
