and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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