I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
