We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
