first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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