I like to think it a success when the cops are called
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
