I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
