Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
