Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
