I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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