I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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