ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
