Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
