Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
