Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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