Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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