she woke up with a sticky ear
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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