We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
