How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
