Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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