The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You are the jesus of drinking
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
