Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
