You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
