i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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