I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
