I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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