you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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