its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
