what day is it and did you see me today?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
