Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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