You smell like stripper and shame
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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