Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
