East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
