Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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