Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
