worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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