remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
